


Dancing in the Dark with Me Between Your Arms

by ems_specter



Series: It's You and Me (and All Other People) [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Everyone's alive, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Tony Stark, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 10:19:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11942067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ems_specter/pseuds/ems_specter
Summary: When Tony met Steve Rogers, he thought to himself,I could fall in love with this man.When he met Bucky Barnes, he thought to himself,I want him to be the one.





	Dancing in the Dark with Me Between Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> I went off track with the title, I know. But, guys. _Ed Sheeran_  
>  I personally don't think you need to read the first two but there are certain empty spaces that would make more sense, I think? I mean, I purposely left off certain things from each other since it would be practically pointless. It's your decision.
> 
> Also, once again author does not know much about genderfluid, genderqueer and nonbinary because it still confuses the fuck out of me so I apologize if you guys feel like I bastardized being genderfluid because that is not my intention. I simply like the idea of a genderfluid Tony.
> 
> This isn't betad or edited because I'm kind of lazy? So I'm sorry for the grammatical errors and the typos and just the me-ness of this. Maybe I'll go back to this someday.

When Tony met Steve Rogers, he thought to himself, _I could fall in love with this man_.

It was finals week and Tony was in desperate need of caffeine but his coffee maker was broken and he didn’t have the energy to fix it. The coffee shop was right in front of his apartment complex and they did serve the best coffee he has ever tasted, so might as well. The blue berry muffin, which was _amazing_ , did help fortify his decision of going to the coffee shop.

(He’s been told he was the most functional _zombie_ person. No one could really tell the difference between the sleep-deprived him and the him who has enough sleep. Well, not until they realize he tended to lose even more of his brain-to-mouth filter.)

He grabbed his wallet, keys already attached to it, his phone and his laptop to get more studying done and finish his project. After double checking he had everything, he went out and locked his door, unlocking his phone to start texting Rhodey about any other school work they might have in the subjects they share.

When he got to the coffee shop, his attention was still on his phone. His conversation with Rhodey had moved from school work to the holidays and their plans. Rhodey’s family would be hosting a reunion of sorts. Tony and his parents would be going to Italy to visit some relatives.

He was so focused on his phone that he bumped into someone on his way to the counter. His brain took a moment to process what happened but the sound of a plate and a mug hitting the floor kick-started his brain. “Oh my god I am so sorry!” He started, quickly pocketing his phone, hands raised, ready to check if the other person was hurt. When he looked up, he was welcomed by the most adorable sight.

Standing in front of him was a tall, pale blond man, maybe in his mid or late twenties, he couldn’t really tell because he was never good at guessing a person’s age by their appearance. Tony realized the other man was taller and he could actually see the man’s eyes, even if they were lowered, staring at the fallen items; they were the most _breathtaking_ blue he has ever seen. The taller man has a soft frown and a gentle pout, eyes blinking slowly as if he was having a hard time processing some things.

“I’ll get you a new order, it’s on me. Just tell me what you want. Oh god.” Tony continued frantically, absentmindedly, when he caught sight of the other man’s shirt. “Oh Jesus. I think I’ll buy you a new shirt, too.” Finally, _finally_ , the taller man looked up, blinked owlishly at him and just remained… silent. As the silence stretched, Tony became worried. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry.” The taller man mumbled, rubbing his eyes like a little kid. “No sleep since Wednesday.” There was an obvious whine in his voice and Tony couldn’t help but snort. He knew what it felt like to not sleep for a few days.

“I’m Tony.” He offered his hand when he got the blond man’s attention once more.

“Steve.” The blond— _Steve_ —mumbled as he took the offered hand.

“Let me buy you lunch and a new shirt for the trouble.” Tony asked, tone confident but smile a little shy. He couldn’t help it. Steve looked like the kind of person who wasn’t hard to fall for.

 

*

 

Tony wakes up as _Toni_. She knows herself well and there is never doubt about how she feels.

Her head’s resting on her husband-to-be’s chest, strong and firm, while said husband-to-be plays with her hair. She knows how much Bucky loves to play with her hair. It’s not anything sexual either—just his way of relaxing, a way to remind him she’s there.

(“Your hair feels nice.” Bucky says one night while they watch a movie. His fingers could not stop twirling her hair. “It’s really soft and it smells nice.” He’s quiet for a while. She feels him breathe deeply against the top of her head. “You smell like home.” He whispers against her hair.)

She stays still for a moment, savoring this moment with him. Since she (he) proposed and the wedding planning started, they never had the time to rest and stay still and simply just _be_ —to be simply Toni (Tony) and Bucky. This moment right here is a rare occurrence. Unfortunately for her, husband-to-be (it will never stop sounding so nice, Toni thinks) seems to be in a thinking mode. She’s supposed to be the only one on his mind on today.

“Stop thinking. You’re too loud.” She grumbles. His fingers pause. She feels his free hand move, cups her face and gently tilt her head up. She could see his lashes and a hint of her blue-grey eyes. She knows that color is cold, supposedly unwelcoming, but all she feels is warmth when he looks at her.

“Why? You jealous?” Bucky teases, she could see just a hint of a smirk on his handsome face. His thumb rubs her chin, probably absentmindedly. It should annoy her, how well he could read her, but it doesn’t. It simply makes it easier for him to discern if she would be Toni or Tony. Easier for her, too, since she doesn’t even need to tell him.

“I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.” She pouts, snuggling closer to him. She could see the realization dawn in his eyes, how he just _knows_ if she’s a she and not a he.

He simply hums and tilts his head to capture her lips in a kiss. This, _this_ type of kisses is what she enjoys the most. His lips, soft against hers. No trace of tongue, no expectations—simply a reminder of how much they love each other.

 

*

 

Tony was fourteen when he first kissed a boy. It was _exhilarating_ , feeling chapped lips against his own, a much stronger jaw and broader shoulders. He liked the way much bigger hands held onto his waist, how he had to tilt his head up to kiss him. He liked the much deeper voice whispering against his mouth, _I-I’m not having sex with you, okay? You’re too young and I’m the adult here_ and his hushed response of _yeah, yes, okay. Kiss me more_.

(He couldn’t remember who gave him his first kiss but he knew he was a decent guy. He remembered how the older man had been mature enough to keep things light and easy and simply _sweet_. He was grateful the person who made him realize he preferred men was a genuinely nice guy.)

(That was a lie. He remembered _exactly_ who gave him his first—his second, third, fourth and many _more_ —kiss but being friends worked much better for them. They would only talk about it if Maria, Howard or anyone else who was aware of their relationship mentioned it.)

 

*

 

At thirteen, Tony found out the world was more cruel than he thought.

It was his second week at MIT and already, he was gaining attention from a lot of people. At first, it was because he was incredibly young but was smarter than most of the kids. Obviously, not everyone took too kindly with someone younger being smarter, but there were a lot of people who, people who loved learning more than anything, adored Tony’s mind.

Then he was Toni one day, wearing her favorite [dress](http://nafdress.com/assests/images/designer-dresses-korean-dresses-2012-short-dresses-for-teens-2012-4183067.jpg) with her favorite[boots](http://www.shinzoo.com/images002/footwear/boots-for-women/05.jpg). Her [makeup](http://glamradar.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/youthful-natural-look-asian-makeup.jpg) was soft and natural, seeing as her mom didn’t want him ruining his skin this early in life. _Your skin is perfect, sweetheart!_ Her mom would always say, so she skipped foundation altogether but put on a neutral eyeshadow on her lids, some mascara, a tinted lip balm and a light pink blush, giving her a more doll-like face. Her [hair](http://www.prettydesigns.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Braided-Short-Curly-Hairstyle.jpg) was long enough for two small braids from the side to meet at the back of her head. She let her natural curls give more body to the hairstyle.

As she walked to her class, though, she could feel people staring at her but she didn’t let that bother her. She was a Stark and was younger than everyone, of course they would be staring. It wasn’t until he reached the room that he heard the whispers start.

 _Wait. Is that—is that_ Stark _?!_

_Oh god. I didn’t know he was a perv._

_That’s kind of weird._

_I wonder if his parents know._

_He actually looks great._

_Are you for real?_

_Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s_ wrong.

She just kept her head down and went to her usual seat.

(Later, she would find out Natasha was the one who complimented her and Rhodey was the one who had defended her.)

Most of her professors didn’t really care. They were there to teach and that was that. Of course, there were some old fashioned ones who side eyed her but otherwise kept their mouths shut—she wasn’t just the Stark heir, she was also a genius. Losing her because of discrimination would reflect badly on them and any school would have snapped at the chance to have her.

Days later, though, a group of seniors decided it would be fun to play with the crossdressing kid.

He was on his way back to the room he shared with Rhodey when he saw a commotion close to their building. A small group of students was gathered around something that seemed to be burning. He walked closer, easily dodging people because he was much smaller than they were. Wearing Rhodey’s (extremely) large [hoodie](https://museumstore.mit.edu/wp-content/uploads/Maroon-Hoodie-424x424.jpg) helped him blend better, avoiding people’s attention.

When he finally get to the front to see what was going on, he froze when he saw the[ Unicorn Makeup brushes](http://cdn-img.instyle.com/sites/default/files/styles/684xflex/public/1474296902/091916-Unicorn-Brushes-LEAD.jpg?itok=yhODUNCs) Aunt Peggy got him on his last birthday. He knew it was his because instead of the plain white handle, it was painted red and gold with the metal holding the brush painted with black. He was the only one who owned one with that particular color scheme since Aunt Peggy had it customized by Unicorn Lashes itself.

He could feel his chest tighten and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He let his eyes roam and noticed more and more of his things—all were used whenever he felt like being Natasha.

And then large warm hands were covering his eyes, a strong chest on his back.

He could hear Natasha shouting. He knew she wasn’t angry at him. She never was. She was usually angry on his behalf.

(“My dad hates yours but he admits Howard’s been an admirable father to you.” She admitted once while they waited for Rhodey.)

“It’s going to be okay.” That was Rhodey. He’d always know Rhodey’s voice, no matter what happened. Rhodey, and sometimes Natasha, was his safe place outside of his home.

He turned around without dislodging the older man’s arms and let himself sag against Rhodey’s strong chest, his arms wrapping around the taller man’s waist, holding on tight. He felt Rhodey’s arms move, tightening their hold around him and he knew things _would_ be okay.

(Later, he would find out the boys who burned his stuff were expelled and that his parents sued them.

Obviously, they won the case.)

 

*

 

“Hey, princess.” Bucky mumbles against her lips, pulling away and that, _that_ just wouldn’t do, so she tilts her face up for more. Of course, Bucky grants her unspoken request, their lips simply moving against each other, dancing a well-known and well-loved choreography.

“Ready for our big day?” Bucky voices when they finally part. She hums and nuzzles Bucky’s neck. _Of course_ she’s ready. She’s been ready to spend the rest of her life with Bucky since their first date that almost didn’t happen.

 

*

 

When Toni (Tony) met Bucky Barnes, she thought to herself, _I want him to be_ the _one_.

Toni (Tony) and Steve have been friends for a month and three days (yes, she counted, sue her). She was out with Rhodey, celebrating their Master’s graduation. The others couldn’t make it, seeing as they had prior plans and the idea to celebrate together right after graduation was a snap decision. Nat was taking a few overtimes to save up for the new phone she’s been eyeing, Pepper had just gotten home from an out-of-the-country work that morning, so she begged off. He knew Thor and Bruce were still on vacation in Australia, visiting Thor’s family reunion (yep, they have been at that stage of their relationship where they take the other out of the country for family reunions).

(Toni’s pretty sure Nat and Pep declined their invitation because they were hoping she and Rhodey would get together. She knew how much they loved the idea of her and Rhodey but that moment has passed and they knew they were better off as friends.)

They were at the bar when she had the feeling someone’s staring at her. It wasn’t unusual, especially when she’s Toni. They usually wonder about the pretty girl who has some sort of “aura” (she didn’t know what that meant either). People knew she (he) was (is) genderfluid but that news got old fast. They used to stare at her to see if she’s Anthony Stark or just someone who looked a lot like him but a female. Now, though, they just stare because of the pretty face.

This one was different, though. She didn’t know why but she was curious. When she looked around, she realized why the stare was bugging her.

Even in the darkness, she can see hints of blue.

She ran.

 _Fuckity fuck fuck shit! Not this way. Fuck!_ She thought, over and over. She didn’t want Steve to find out about _this_ until their friendship was solid. She wasn’t sure if the older man would be open-minded or disgusted.

Large warm hands held her gently but firmly.

 _Fuck these short legs_.

She turned, her eyes burning. She won’t be crying, though. She _won’t_.

“Are you disgusted?” She knew her voice sounded rough, but Steve truly meant a lot to her. A few more months and she would have probably fallen in love with him.

Steve flinched, just a little, probably out of surprise.

“What?! No! Why would I be?” The blond exclaimed, his voice sounded offended, but that wouldn’t register in Toni’s mind until later.

“Because I dress like a girl and I wear makeup.” She remembered Stane saying once while talking to her father. _Don’t you think it’s an anomaly?_ He had sneered. She was only eleven.

She has never heard her father sound so _furious_ when he told Stane to mind his own business. _I’m proud of my child, whether he decides to be a man or a woman, it’s_ his _decision. I—Maria and I will love him the same no matter what_.

 _Because he’s disgusting_ , one of the seniors who burned her stuff said when asked why they did what they did, _he dresses like a girl and wears makeup even though he’s a boy_.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” She could hear the growl in his voice, making her flinch. “My friend’s genderfluid. Sometimes we call her Samantha.” Steve added shyly, as if he wasn’t sure it would help his case.

Toni just stared. This wonderful, _wonderful_ human being accepted her without a problem. This man ran after her, obviously to clear the air. She didn’t know what she did in the past life to have Steve Rogers in her life.

“Do you, uh,” Steve started. “do I call you something else, or…” the blond trailed off, obviously lost.

“Natasha.” She blurted, startling both herself and Steve.

“What”

“Natasha Antonette.” She breathed deeply. “I—I’m Natasha Antonette.” _That’s a_ beautiful _name, my dear_ , she recalled her mother say and her father’s soft smile in the background. “My mom said she liked that name.” _We would have named you Natalie if you were born a girl_ , her dad had admitted that same day. “But you can still all me Toni, but with an ‘i’.” She added shyly.

“Okay.” Steve smiled and led her to a worried Rhodey then proceeded to ask them if they wanted to join their little group. They said yes.

 

*

 

It was summer when Tony realized Steve was (is) in love with _him_.

He has been friends with Steve for one year, eleven months and two weeks when he finally got a clue. Steve has always been lenient with him, always took his side and almost always gave in to his demands. He always knew how to cheer him up and he joined him whenever he went out to buy more makeup.

It never occurred to him as odd, since the blond has always been caring, but sitting with him, in their favorite coffee shop, with him talking about his desire to kill Stane (unfortunately, dad couldn’t just fully remove the asshole from the board—he had quite a few friends and he was a poisonous snake), Steve simply listening and joking around, he caught the way the blond’s eyes softened, the overwhelming fondness and _love_ and _Jesus_ , this wasn’t supposed to happen, especially now that _he’s_ practically in love with Bucky and, _no_. Just, _no_. He simply kept on talking about not having anyone love him.

He never thought he’d have to choose between two best friends.

 

*

 

He didn’t know what happened but there was a sudden shift in Bucky’s attitude towards him. When before, the older man was always warm and nice and sweet and always went along with their easy banter, he was now skittish and distant and _lost_.

“Give him time.” Steve gave him a small smile and kissed his forehead.

(He really has no idea how he never realized Steve was (is) in love with him with how affectionate the blond was with him.)

But Tony was never really the patient kind. Somehow, a few days later, he ended up kissing Bucky and Bucky was kissing back. Then pulled away. _No. We can’t. I’m sorry, we can’t_. He kept on muttering as he walked away.

He didn’t hear from the older man until two days later when Bucky came to his apartment, a bouquet of [hyacinths](http://photos.demandstudios.com/getty/article/187/63/200266779-001.jpg) in hand.

“I’m sorry for running. Do you want to go on a date?” The older man blurted, thrusting the bouquet to him. He took the flowers, buried his face in them and took a soft sniff. And if that also hid his smile and his blush, no one would know.

“Okay.” He mumbles, looking at the older man from under his lashes.

(Their first date was a disaster but was worth it in the end.)

 

*

 

“What are you thinking?” Bucky’s been quiet for a while now and normally it’s fine, but she knows when he’s thinking too much. She can tell he’s considering lying, knowing she’d let it go if needed, but he tells the truth instead.

“Do you feel bad, falling in love with me?” His voice is soft, perhaps afraid. She remembers admitting to him how she could have fallen in love with Steve, if she was given enough time. He never asked about it and she just let it go, knowing he’ll ask if it bothers him.

She has to be honest about this but she also knows she should be careful with her words. “Sometimes.” She admits. Bucky remains calm. “I know if we hadn’t met when we did, maybe it would have been me and Steve dating.” And it’s true. Steve is easy to love. He’s kind and gentle and sweet and understanding. “But I think of how much I love you now and I know that no matter what, I’ll fall in love with you and Steve would be hurt worse if that happened.” She’s thought about this, many times. She knows in her heart she will always, _always_ fall in love with Bucky, no matter how amazing Steve is.

 _I’m sorry_ , she remembers saying once, while she and Steve waited for their orders. She remembers the blond smiling sadly, saying, _it’s okay, I just want you to be happy_ and that’s that. She knows Steve was telling the truth, _is still_ telling the truth when he said he just wanted (wants) her to be happy.

 

*

 

Tony was eight when he first got into his mother’s closet.

Tony has always been fascinated by his mother’s dresses and skirts and shoes whenever she moves, gliding across the room to talk to a guest or floating on the dance floor with his father. He loved the way the high heels made a _tap, tap, tap_ , sound whenever they hit the wooden floor. The way the dresses and the skirts fluttered around his mother’s slim toned legs never failed to astound him. The smooth touch of fabric on his hands made him wish he had one of the clothes his mother loved to wear.

Maria loved dresses and skirts, preferred them over jeans because they reminded her of her childhood, she had admitted to Tony one night. Her favorite dress, by far was the light blue one with a flower pattern with a collar at the top. It was long with a tapered waist and a belt. But Maria liked it even more due to the pockets at the sides. He didn’t say it but it was his favorite, too. It was simple and old fashioned, it looked uncomfortable but it was incredibly soft.

His mother’s favorite [cocktail dress](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/b3/c2/e6/b3c2e6272f192109658d431eee718338.jpg), however, was the black sleeveless one with a button on the collar to form a round opening slightly above the chest area, showing his mother’s cleavage ever so slightly but still hiding it, leaving people to their imaginations. It was short enough to show a part of her thighs but was still formal enough that no one would be offended.

It helped how his father adored that dress as well.

“People expect me to be conservative and docile because I married the ‘great’ Howard Stark” Maria had said with an eye roll, the air quotations evident, as she put him to bed one night, his father running late because of work. It made him giggle. “What they didn’t know is Howard married me because he can’t control me.” The fierceness hidden in his mother’s eyes and the adoration in his father’s whenever Maria verbally annihilated someone simply solidified that statement from long ago.

Now, at eight and a half years old, Tony wanted to try one of his mother’s dresses, too.

Both his parents were at a gala. They didn’t take him because it was late and a school night. Tony snuck out of his room and into his parents’. Jarvis was downstairs, probably preparing for breakfast tomorrow. His and Maria’s favorite dress was too big on him but the cocktail dress, which she surprisingly didn’t wear tonight, would fit okay, as if it was a long gown. She tried some high heels but he wobbled so he decided to try it some other time.

He walked around, the dress fluttering around his feet. He didn’t know for how long he was walking around, as if a model on a runway, when the lights suddenly turned on.

He flinched, eyes wide and fearful.

His mother simply sighed, knelt and took him into her arms. _Do you like dresses, bambino?_ He remembered her asking. He nodded shyly, looking up at his father. Dad looked a little confused and more calculating.

“We’ll get something your size, okay?” Mom had asked, pulling away. He smiled, ecstatic by the fact he’s going to have his own dresses and skirts.

(At twelve, he decided he should be called either Natasha, Antonette or Toni because that’s how he _feels_.

His parents and their close friends were extremely supportive.)

 

*

 

“We should probably get ready.” Bucky mumbles, back to playing with her hair. She doesn’t want to get up, too comfortable in the older man’s arms. She hums, snuggling closer in case Bucky decides to get up. She would let her lips dance across his jaw or his neck while he massages her scalp now and again, his lips on the top of his head.

If they could, she’d rather to stay this way forever. But they do have a wedding to attend and so they get up to get ready. Soon after, her mom and Steve knocks on the door, carrying her clothes—a dress and a suit. Her mother immediately goes to her.

When Steve asks if she’s wearing a dress or a suit, she replies with the former as her mom cups her face gently.

“You will look _astounding_ today, my dear, Natasha.” Her mom tucks her hair behind her ears, cupping her face gently once more before letting her go.

(Mom has always liked the name Natasha. _It’s elegant yet casual, it’s the best of best worlds, my dear_. She said when asked. Until now, only her mom can call her Natasha, Aunt Peggy occasionally.)

Steve takes Bucky to get him ready, already doing his best man duties, while she got ready herself. Nat was going back and forth between her and Bucky’s dressing room since she’s the one doing the boy’s ( _men’s_ ) makeup.

Soon enough, she’s posing for pictures—on her on and with their family and friends but without Bucky. She wanted to keep the gown a secret to him for now.

Later, she’s walking down the aisle in his father’s arms. She knows her smile is huge, probably big enough to split her face but she doesn’t care because Bucky’s smile is just as big.

When they reach Steve, she pauses and lets her dad go, giving the blond a tight hug. “Thank you.” She whispers and she feels her arms tighten around her. When she pulls back, she could see his eyes glistening and she feel her own burn. They’re okay, though, because Steve loves her but he’s willing to move on and have his own happiness.

He takes her bouquet and grasps her hand in his as she loops her arms through her dad’s once more. As a team, it seems, they lead him to Bucky. As Steve places her hand on Bucky’s, she knows they’re having some sort of silent communication and that’s fine. She knows Bucky will tell her later if needed. Now, though, _now_ she gets to marry the love of her life.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure some of you have seen Jollibee's newest commercial within this universe. Before you ask, yes, I'll be doing that, too so Steve will have his (romantic) happy ending. That would seriously be the last one, I swear. I'm pretty sure most of you already know who I'm pairing him up with, too.
> 
> You can shout at me [here](http://starkbarnes-lovechild.tumblr.com/). Or you can just say hi.
> 
> PS. I tried to make the past Rhodey/Tony as both obvious and subtle.


End file.
